Reemerging from the grave
Three days before Lent I told Eric I was considering giving up coffee.
Eric’s eyebrows raised and he smiled. “You really think you can do that?” he asked.
Startled by his lack of confidence I responded firmly. “Well, yeah!” I said. “It will be tough but I think I can overcome my caffeine addiction.”
Eric didn’t hesitate. “You do realize we will be in the Pacific Northwest, right?”
“Oh,” I stuttered. I knew he was right. “Yeah I didn’t think about that. Seattle is really known for its coffee. Maybe I need to rethink this.”
Lent is a 40 day period before Easter that is a time of preparation for Holy Week. During this time individuals often practice special forms of prayer, fasting and kindness toward their neighbor. It is meant to be a time where one examines God’s presence in their lives; it is designed to prepare us for when Christ returns (Easter).
I didn’t give up anything for Lent this year. Nor did I vow to do anything additional. But for the last 40 days God has been working both in my life and on my heart for Christ to reenter as the true center of my being.
The last six weeks have felt like hell. Nothing has seemed to go right. My heart has been broken, I have had miserable ministry experiences and I have been rejected by graduate schools. I have felt like every plan I have had for my future has been changed and unfortunately I have not been the one to instigate this alteration.
When I began this trip, I felt like I had a fairly clear vision of my future. I believed I knew my calling, the steps I had before me and the timeframe in which I was called to take those steps. If anything, I thought this journey would only help clarify this course, maybe even suggest a few shortcuts, not completely alter the path. I was wrong.
Yet despite my constant changing landscape, I am beginning to find peace. I believe as God has slowly striped away the plans I had for the future, He has began to make room for His. In relationships, ministry and graduate school, God keeps telling me to wait; to trust; and to follow.
I have always believed that when we are at our lowest it is easiest to rely on God. We know how much we need Him and it is only then that we become ready to give Him everything.
As I sit here drinking a warm, dark cup of coffee in Seattle, I have realized that giving up coffee is not enough for God. He wants my life. And this year, possibly for the first time, I think I am ready to give it to Him.
May we all prepare for Christ to reenter our lives,
Kent
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I have been following your travels ever since you left our offices at Andover Newton. I would say that you have been on the archetypal Hero’s journey. You’ve left home, faced trials and tribulations and I know that you will return home a different person. I think that this is the journey that all of us who are called to ministry face. Our garments of expectation are removed, and we begin to be in the world as God would have us be. It is both a frightening and beautiful experience. I experience both of you as called men. But the details of that call may not reveal itself when you want it. That is why faith is important. For me, the path to ministry became more certain when I let let go of my vision of the destination. And now, as I graduate and leave Andover Newton, I find myself going into a ministry that I would not have considered when I started school. Have faith in the call. I trust that you will be led to the next step when the time is right.
Kent~
Just wanted to let you know that my (and SUMC’s) prayers and thoughts are with you two. Also sometimes it is amazing how God works across miles and over time. For instance youth stuff seems to really be picking up and we seem to have a good group of dedicated volunteers who are really starting to connect with the youth. I really am looking forward to your return to be able to talk to you about all your adventures. Oh Also!!!! the piece you wrote about the church needing to embrace their violet highlights…well that might be true in May for Stevensville UMC. Pastor Terri has agreed to dye her hair (a youth chosen color) if the youth raise over $2,000 for the CROP walk. So we will see.
I can’t wait to read more from both you and Eric, and hopefully work with you this summer (if you are able).
Love and God Bless Jodie
Hebrews 11:1