Last Week

I went to court on Friday.

I was there to help represent Rocketown. Two of our skater kids had spent the summer playing musical homes. Their parents were in rehab. We met with the court to assess whether the boys were fit to return home.

….

TJ stormed into the office on Thursday yelling.

He said he was through with the rhyme lab. He didn’t want any restrictions when he rapped. He told me it was unfair to his story. His home was not cheery. His neighborhood was not safe. TJ did not want to spin positive rhymes. He said it did not portray the shit he had been through.

…

Did you and Alex used to be close?” I asked surprised as Michael’s MySpace page came up. The page was labeled “In memory of Alex.” Alex was a former Rocketown kid who had passed away last year.

“Yeah,” Michael said. “We used to be best friends. We would skate and shoot photography together. At his funeral his dad said my name. He only named five kids.”

…

Jimmy had a MySpace message left on his page. It didn’t say who it was from but Jimmy thought it was from his father. He hadn’t seen his dad since he was 7.

The message talked about what a horrible kid Jimmy was. It said he was a liar just like his mother. It said what goes around comes around. And it ended with “You need Jesus you low life piece of shit.”

…

“So what’s going on?” I asked surprised to see Michelle with her mom. Michelle was a somewhat new face to Rocketown. She had started coming after she ran away from home.

“A lot of new things have been happening,” she responded half-smiling.

Big stuff?” I wondered out loud.

“Well, yeah!” her smile got bigger. “I just found out I am pregnant.

Michelle is 18 and still in high school.

…

“I just want to live a life where I do good,” Jeremy said with a soft sincerity making it hard to tell whether he making a statement or asking a question. “And I believe all good things come from God. Is that such a bad thought?”

He asked this question because the church he went to said it was.

…

Coming back from a coffee shop I asked Mary Virginia if she knew kids’ home lives were so crappy when she was growing up.

She said no. I agreed.

…

Tomorrow is my day off. I think I am going to sleep in.

Ben & Jerry’s, Fat People and Cogitive Dissonance

I ate Ben and Jerry’s ice cream tonight as I watched The Biggest Loser on TV.

With each bite I felt guilty.

I listened as each contestant described his or her life as a walking buffet line—wandering aimlessly day-after-day with plate, fork and knife in hand, constantly eating their way into grotesqueness.  My heart was tearful.  My eyes were disgusted.  Yet I couldn’t stop watching.  It was a beautiful train wreck of the obese.  And I cheered them on to skinniness one spoonful at a time.

I don’t know if you have tried Ben and Jerry’s Cinnamon Role Ice Cream but it is addictively blissful.  Think heaven in a recyclable paper cup.  Taste caramel swirls, cinnabon chunks and sugary sweet vanilla.  Dream of ice cream for breakfast at only 13 fat grams per serving.

I couldn’t stop.  I didn’t want to stop.  My eyes were glued to the television and my hand moved uniformly pint-to-mouth… pint-to-mouth.
…

I don’t make a lot of money.

Really, that is an exaggeration.  The other day the local paper did a breakdown on home mortgages for low-income individuals.  My salary did not even make the chart.  It was too low.

Yet I have an apartment.  A really nice apartment. And I can go to the grocery store and buy nearly anything I want: organic salad, aged cheese, Ben and Jerry Cinnamon Role Ice Cream.

But I still walk swiftly past have-nots:  the dumpster diving hungry, the vulgar swearing homeless and the hand extended forgotten.

I ignore, deny, smile and say I am sorry.   And then I pray for them at night.  I say I love the homeless but my actions say otherwise.
…

In college we used to talk about cognitive dissonance.  It said one side always wins.  The theory stated it is impossible to believe one way yet consistently choose another.  Sooner or later you either kick the habit or believe what you are doing is right.
…
I spoke with my friend Ben on Saturday.  We talked about the beautiful struggle to not just speak a faith but to live it; to not just recite love but to give it.
…
I turned the TV off midway through the show and then I put away the ice cream.  I solved my dilemma by not choosing either.  I avoided it all together.

But I know I will see a group of homeless men on my walk home. And I will probably see even more going into work tomorrow.  The question is which side of the road will I choose to walk on.  There is no avoiding their humanness.  There is only the question of mine.

May our prayers reflect our actions,
Kent